Boots on the ground……

I arrived in Togo in early July with a different mindset. I have been to Mango several times in the past year but this time was different. This time there was no veritable “light at the end of the tunnel.” I am not planning on going home for a year so I am really here this time.

It was such a whirlwind leading up to actually arriving in Togo that I guess I thought maybe when all was said and done it would be a relief. My house was empty….. I quit my job….. I had literally packed up my life into 3 suitcases and off I went.

To say I was exhausted and overwhelmed when I finally got on the plane to come would be an understatement and I knew when I arrived that I was going to dive right into work here as well. Dive in I did…..The day I arrived in Mango a preemie was born at 29 weeks. I started being on service in the hospital the next day and every day after that for the next two weeks either on days or nights and I took care of him every day. He did very well and seemed to be progressing well from a preemie standpoint. Then just over two weeks after he was born he took a bad turn and died……

Did I do something wrong? Had I missed something? I mean I am no NICU doctor so I just kept thinking that I had maybe missed something on this child. This precious gift that was given and then taken away after such a short time.  His dad was so attentive to him, which is rare here in Togo especially with preemies. The day the child took his bad turn the Dad had asked how he was doing and was sad that he had to go back to his village to work because he was so worried about him. I keep thinking about that Dad and what it must have been like to hear that no….. in fact…. his child that had been fine even that morning had now died……

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon here and death seems to lurk behind the door at all times ready to pounce. I feel very small and lots of times helpless as I fight death and lose on sometimes a daily basis.

As I remain here, in this setting, with these circumstances that face me daily I really cannot do anything but pray. I pray for the patients, I pray for healing, I pray for the staff and I pray that I can continue to show up.  I cry out to God knowing that I am so very weak and unable to heal but that He is supreme, truly the great physician, and that His ultimate plans will not be thwarted…….

The sky here is enormous and on a clear night the stars litter it like nothing I have ever seen before. It is at those times, staring up into all those stars, that I’m reminded of how big and powerful a God I serve and how amazing it is that He could use me, if only to play just a very small part in His plans here in Mango, Togo.

Isaiah 6:8……And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “whom shall I send and who will go for us?” Then I said, Here I am! Send me.”