Storms of this life…..

The rainfalls here can be epic and I have always loved a good thunderstorm. There are some amazing ones here. It is rainy season right now so rain is not uncommon these days. It always brings some cooler weather which is nice. I am not one to walk around in the rain in the states but here there is just something about walking out into an African rainstorm. Think about the best beachside storm you have ever seen and multiply that by about 10. That is what these storms are like and they are fabulous!

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a huge Yacht Rock fan. It’s a local band from Atlanta that does covers of Hall and Oates songs among others. Well they do Africa from Toto and it never ceases to be awesome!. I have sang it loudly in many a venue J It has a little more significance in my mind these days. God bless the rains down in Africa…..

Physical storms here pop up all the time and they are mostly a welcomed occurrence. Even though my life is no exception, when storms pop up in my own life, I view them differently.

I have been here this time since early July so almost 2 months. It is easy here to throw yourself into the work and neglect other things. I have caught myself doing that some. Through this short 2 months, I have worked a lot, many more days a week then I work in the states. It is easy at times to just put my head down and work. However, I know that is not good for me. I know I need community, family, physical exercise, and a growing relationship with Jesus. I admit I fail at balancing my life here on many levels at times.

I have had amazing friends visit since I have been here and I have received a couple of very timely packages as well. I am also keenly aware that time does not stand still while I am here. It keeps moving for everyone at home just as it continues to move for me. I think that is one of the toughest things I deal with here is that lives continue to move on at home. Internet is a struggle and communication suffers because of that and I wonder do family and friends think I don’t care or want to know just because my communication end is lacking so often? I am also keenly aware that so often out of sight means out of mind…….and  that is ok ….it really is….

I struggle how to better balance things here…..in a land, a community, a culture that I am trying to invest in but really don’t understand, surrounded by people speaking one of about 15 languages that I don’t have a clue how to understand. I feel so defeated a lot of the time here….my language skills are horrible, I don’t know what I am doing….was that culturally offensive?.....am I even taking advantage of my opportunities to share Jesus with anyone?……

So as I struggle to truly figure out how to “fit” in here, I find myself preparing mentally to leave. I leave for Switzerland on September 16^th for language school. It’s bittersweet to be honest. I am super excited to go to Switzerland of course but I am also pretty worried and anxious about language school. I need this to do my job here better and I stay so frustrated most of the time, secondary to my lack of French. However, the team here is always struggling with coverage for the hospital and me leaving for 3 months puts another hole in the schedule.

I think this song came out back when I was in college and it is one that still stops me in my tracks a lot of the time…..

Open up the skies of mercy….Send down your cleansing flood….Healing waters rise around us……Hear our cries Lord…. Let them rise…… Your kindness Lord, leads us to repentance, your favor Lord is our desire……Your beauty Lord, let’s us stand in silence….Your love….your love….is better than life……

I thank you Lord that your love is better than life and despite my inadequacies, dependence on myself and not you most of the time, that your mercies are still freely available for me……Even in the face of the many storms here physical and figurative, I am thankful that I have a savior that is always ready and willing to rise up around me with His mercy.

Please pray for medical and nursing coverage in the months to come as it is sparse. Please pray for me as I travel to Switzerland that my fears will be quelled and I can truly throw myself into learning French.

Boots on the ground……

I arrived in Togo in early July with a different mindset. I have been to Mango several times in the past year but this time was different. This time there was no veritable “light at the end of the tunnel.” I am not planning on going home for a year so I am really here this time.

It was such a whirlwind leading up to actually arriving in Togo that I guess I thought maybe when all was said and done it would be a relief. My house was empty….. I quit my job….. I had literally packed up my life into 3 suitcases and off I went.

To say I was exhausted and overwhelmed when I finally got on the plane to come would be an understatement and I knew when I arrived that I was going to dive right into work here as well. Dive in I did…..The day I arrived in Mango a preemie was born at 29 weeks. I started being on service in the hospital the next day and every day after that for the next two weeks either on days or nights and I took care of him every day. He did very well and seemed to be progressing well from a preemie standpoint. Then just over two weeks after he was born he took a bad turn and died……

Did I do something wrong? Had I missed something? I mean I am no NICU doctor so I just kept thinking that I had maybe missed something on this child. This precious gift that was given and then taken away after such a short time.  His dad was so attentive to him, which is rare here in Togo especially with preemies. The day the child took his bad turn the Dad had asked how he was doing and was sad that he had to go back to his village to work because he was so worried about him. I keep thinking about that Dad and what it must have been like to hear that no….. in fact…. his child that had been fine even that morning had now died……

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon here and death seems to lurk behind the door at all times ready to pounce. I feel very small and lots of times helpless as I fight death and lose on sometimes a daily basis.

As I remain here, in this setting, with these circumstances that face me daily I really cannot do anything but pray. I pray for the patients, I pray for healing, I pray for the staff and I pray that I can continue to show up.  I cry out to God knowing that I am so very weak and unable to heal but that He is supreme, truly the great physician, and that His ultimate plans will not be thwarted…….

The sky here is enormous and on a clear night the stars litter it like nothing I have ever seen before. It is at those times, staring up into all those stars, that I’m reminded of how big and powerful a God I serve and how amazing it is that He could use me, if only to play just a very small part in His plans here in Mango, Togo.

Isaiah 6:8……And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “whom shall I send and who will go for us?” Then I said, Here I am! Send me.”