Stepping through the wardrobe…..

I have been back in the US now for about 2 weeks and I am continually struck by all things ‘merica. Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed the endless coffee, cheese, and chick-fil-a but the stark juxtaposition of setting is so ever close to the surface all the time.

I have and continue to have sweet reunions with family and friends but the friends I left are ever on my heart and mind as well. It is truly a process to return just as it is a process to go.

As the adjustment continues, I find myself so many times thinking and praying for the ones there. I was able to see the beginning of something so encouraging before I left….

It is a Wednesday morning and I am waiting in a parking lot for a friend of mine who is a chaplain. We are heading out to a village to visit a family that has become very dear to me. After about a 30 minute moto ride, we come to a fork in the road and my friend has stopped. I catch up to him and he asks me which is the right direction and we continue to our destination. He goes on to remind me that the last time he was in this village it was the middle of the night. He was coming to tell this family we are visiting today, that their 1 year old child has died and they need to come to the hospital. You see this family’s child “lived” at our hospital for many months and at times the family could not stay because of the other demands at home. We would care for their child so that they could return home. But, on that night, my friend had to go and retrieve them and tell them that the worst had happened and they needed to come.

I had been out to this village several times since then but I had forgotten that my friend had not and all of that emotion just flooded back in that moment.

However, today was the day that a Bible study would start in this village. The death of their child had cut a wound in a couple of us that was very deep, but through that loss and pain, we began a journey with this family that led to this day. To the day when the Bible and the truth of Jesus could be told among them, in their heart language, in their own village. I was so encouraged to be able to see the beginning of that study before I left. I told my friend, who will continue this study weekly, that my heart was full when we left that day. As I am here, in the US, it is comforting to know that this study continues. I pray for the walls to fall and the veil to be lifted from around the hearts and minds of this family, this village.

Below are the lyrics to a song that cannot play without my mind and heart being reminded by times in Togo that were so hard and more questions remain than answers. One of those times is that night with this family’s child. But, there is a hope that even when my human mind and heart cannot and do not understand that I can rest that there is one that is sovereign over me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x8TZiwPGaO&sns=em

Sovereign Over Us

“There is strength within the sorrow, there is beauty in our tears

And you meet us in our mourning, with a love that casts out fear

You are working in our waiting, you are sanctifying us

When beyond our understanding, you are teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper, you have not forgotten us

Your with us in the fire and the flood

You’re faithful forever, perfect in love, you are sovereign over us

You are wisdom unimagined, who could understand your ways

Reigning high above the heavens, reaching down in endless grace

You’re the lifter of the lowly, compassionate and kind

You surround and you uphold me, and your promises are my delight.

Even what the enemy means for evil, you turn it for our good.

You turn it for our good, and for your glory

Even in the valley, you are faithful

You’re working for our good, you’re working for our good, for your glory

You’re faithful forever, perfect in love, you are sovereign over us. “

This study happens at 7:30am every Wednesday. Consider spending your Wednesday mornings praying for this study, this village, this family.

Wins are wins and I'll take them

I’ve been back in Togo for 6 weeks…..after a stent in the US to see family and refresh a bit, I am back for a few months.

Some things I have been trying to focus on at home and now back in Togo is learning to abide in Christ. I read a great book while at home called Humble Roots. I highly recommend it. This is a quote from there that has really stuck with me: "Your heavenly father knows what you need. He knows your heart is troubled. He also knows better than you do, that all these things are beyond you. And so, this is what you must do, all that you must do: you must seek Him and let Him take care of the rest.”

I am trying to solidify in my sinful mind that even when things are hard and the answers are not what I want, think, or expect that He is in control, knows me, cares for me, and is there if only I would go to Him. Here are some verses that have been helping me along the way: 

“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.” Nahum 1:7

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”   1 Peter 1: 6 – 7

“…Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith…..And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5: 8b, 9a, 10

I share these in a hope that they may be an encouragement to some of you as well.

I returned at the height of rainy season which brings daily storms and cooler weather but also loads of malaria. I don’t think I have ever experienced a disease that just steals children from this world as quickly and relentlessly as malaria. It is merciless in its attack and despite our best efforts and great medications, we see way too many succumb to it.

I think I forget a little, when I am away, just how much heartache we have with death here. How many times a day or week I will sit with a mom that just lost her child and try in some way to comfort her.

It is easy here to be beaten down by the heartache…..by the death. But, sometimes we get a win. I want to share just a couple of the “wins” I have seen since my return.

Just a couple of days after I got back, a young woman was brought in with a snake bite. These are fairly common here and the venom causes the bitten extremity to swell. That is the outward signs anyway. Inwardly, though, the venom spread and prevents the blood from clotting. It is common to get bleeding throughout the body: abdomen, head, etc and this can wreak havoc and lead to death. The effects of the venom progress the longer the person waits after the bite before being treated.

This patient came in 5 days after she was bitten. She was completely unresponsive on her arrival. I immediately started the antivenin but the destruction was already severe and she was anemic, requiring transfusion.  Several hours after her arrival, I was called to see her and was barely breathing. I feared she was in flash pulmonary edema either from the whole blood she was receiving or from the effects of her envenomation.  She received some meds and was placed on a non-rebreather but I talked with her brother and told him I did not know if she would live. She had a bad night for sure but the next morning she was so much more comfortable and actually opened her eyes for the first time. She continued to improve dramatically over the next couple of days and went home recovered.

My next story is an ongoing prayer request…….we have a new preemie in our hospital that is right at 2 weeks old. He was born emergently by C-section after his mom had a placental abruption at 30 weeks.  He was born weighing 1.27kg (just over 2.5 pounds). To say his first 24 hours of life were rough is an understatement. I was the physician on the day he made his arrival and I ended up resuscitating him for several hours because his effort of breathing was not sustaining him. Two times, during his first 24 hours, he was handed over to his parents for them to say “goodbye” because there was nothing else we could do for him. Both times he got better by being held by his Dad. I am not one to throw out the word miracle haphazardly but truly I have no other explanation for him living. I told the Dad that God was doing something here and we would continue to pray and trust and see what would happen. Well, this child is progressing well for a preemie, however, he is still very tenuous given his size. Pleas pray for him and for us as we make medical decisions for him. Pray especially for his parents, who are very strict Muslims, that they may encounter Jesus during this time of trial. Pray for us as we interact with them every day that we would find ways to show Jesus to them as well.

You Should See It in Color……

There’s a very “country” song called In Color and sang by Jamey Johnson. It tells a story of someone looking through old black and white pictures and the singer telling the stories behind each one. The chorus after every picture description is the same, “If it looks like we were scared to death, like a couple of kids just trying to save each other. You should have seen it in color…..A picture is worth a thousand words, but you can’t see what those shades of grey keep covered….You should have seen it in color.” Here’s the link to the song  

https://youtu.be/EYGwxf1gCC4

I recently heard this song on the radio and the tears started streaming down my face. I just kept thinking how true that is with ministry pictures and even updates for that matter. How often pictures are posted with plenty of smiles and the “perfect” scene. It’s the idea of putting your best foot forward. Show only the best parts of your life to everyone. People tell me all the time that they want to see more pictures of me and my work in Togo. I am not one that takes many pictures. It’s not that I don’t think pictures are important or that they don’t tell a great story. They do. But, for me, it’s what is behind the story that is so important. It’s like the song says, “you can’t see what those shades of grey keep covered. You should have seen it in color.”

I have quite a few pictures that I have taken over the months I’ve been in Togo. They are of smiling kids and fellow missionaries. Unfortunately, what you don’t see, what is “covered” in those pictures, is that as “shocking” as it may seem, missionaries are real people, very much still in process, flawed, and not every day is happy and joyful. Now, that does not sound very much like how all those pictures appear does it? I think some don’t want to see anything but happy, smiling pictures. But, I think there’s some that really want to know what’s going on, the struggles and the triumphs. So why do we only tell the happy stories and gloss over the hard ones? Why do we minimize the conflicts and focus on the joys? Is it fear? Fear that all your supporters will stop giving? Fear that by being honest you are not portraying the “perfect missionary” image that is expected? After all, missionaries are not supposed to struggle with anything, right?.....

Despite all of this, I love doing what I do in Togo. I would not be there, or keep going back, if I did not truly believe that the ministry of the hospital is impacting that area for the kingdom. So, even though many of the pictures taken in Mango maybe don’t show the full colors, they depict the joy that is often found there. Just remember for every picture of a smiling child that’s posted there are many stories that aren’t.  

I would like to challenge you to ask the Lord what it means for you to “see it in color.” Maybe it means reaching out to a missionary or someone you know in ministry and asking to hear the real stories, the “full color” stories. Maybe it’s asking the Lord if He has a new ministry or mission field He wants you to serve in.

It is true that I don’t take or post a lot of pictures about my work in Togo but I have lots of stories and experiences that I would love to share. Please just ask and I will gladly take the time to show you all the colors of Mango, Togo and the ministry of the Hospital of Hope.

I am actually stateside right now for a little break and will be heading back to Mango in late July till November. After this, I will return to the US for at least 6 months to fundraise so that I can return to Mango to continue in ministry there. If you would like to find out more information or how you can financially partner with me and the ministry there, please message me.